Prison Diaries #8

My Afternoon: I didn't do a whole lot today, I just chilled, Listened to the radio and drank a cup of coffee and studied business management for about 2 1/2 hrs. pretty thrilling huh? But really, I like to study. I'm trying to make the best of my time in here. Tip: Don't spit in the wind. Quote: Obeying God never brings on public evils. I know it can't. It's always safest. all around., to do as he bids us by? Poem: Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme but this one don't.. By Jr.Wood.(me) Live Brief Conversation: conversation started at 11:45p.m. G-Man: Hey Robb! If the warden came to you today and said you could go home right now if you'd let him stick his finger in your butt would you? Robb: Are you kidding? I'm outta here! H*ll, it ain't no different than if the doctor had to do it. Jr.Wood: Say Robb. That's gay dude! I mean, What if his finger is really long? Robb: Sh*t dude,I'm tired of this prison. Anything to do home. G-Man: Say I'm right there with ya! I've already done 9 months on this 3 yrs term. Jr.Wood: 9 MONTHS!!! Man, I got 7 yrs flat already. You mean to tell me you can't handle a little ole 3 yrs? G-Man: Yeah but being in seg sucks. No job, no outside rec. or anything. Robb: Say Jr.Wood, All I got to say is, Where's the warden? I got 8yrs. to do with only 3 flat done. I'm ready to go. Besides, It's just a finger. G-Man: Yeah, but a really long fat finger! Jr.Wood: What if the warden wanted to fondle your balls? Robb: For how long? Jr.Wood: For 3 minutes. Robb: Wouldn't that be just like a doctor checking for a hernia? Jr.Wood: Say dude, If the doctor fondled your balls for a full 3 minutes you might want to consider changing doctors. Peaches: I'll fondle your balls Robb. Robb: I done told you peaches, You can't fondle my balls. Jr.Wood: Well the warden ain't sticking his finger in my butt, That's for sure! Robb: He's probably to busy sticking his finger in his own butt anyway. Jr.Wood: Yeah! F*ck the warden!!!

Prison Diaries #7

Today: I am going to share a little of my personal diary with you today. Sometimes my thoughts are trapped within the all so real fate we all will face, Death. Before I come to this place it really was just a passing thought that was almost not real at all. Life is something special that's in everything from the human to the beautiful little flower that falls under our feet. I fear this because in the back of my head sometimes tells me that maybe my end isn't to long from coming. I have so much good I want to put into existence on my behalf because of all the bad I have done. I want to be something for ones self as much as for my loved ones. Everything that matters doesn't when that day comes. I just want those that care about me and life to really sit back and reflect on everything that means something. Because without it (life) its nothing,not even a thought. If I don't make it out of this place just know I am and was happy and really see things on a whole different level. Words of thought from me. (Randy) Tip: Don't trust someone who says "trust me." Quote: In order to overcome your foes in war, you must have more or equal artillery,tactic,cunning and force. By Hitler A Gentle Thought: Don't assume malice for what stupidity explain. Live Brief Conversations: Conversation started at 2:30 p.m. Peaches: Hey Jr.Wood, I saw you in the shower today. No wonder they call you Jr.Wood. Jr.Wood: Peaches you b*tch, you ain't suppose to be looking at my penis you queer! Robb: Whats up with that sh*t Jr.Wood? Is that how you got your name? Jr.Wood: H*ll No!! Panama: Whats up with all the nick-names in prison anyway? I've heard some crazy names. One guy in here calls himself trash. Robb: Yeah, and it fits him too! Peaches: Jr.Wood What did you think of my Halloween costume? Jr.Wood: I thought it was great! you make the perfect hoe and you didn't even have to dress up. Robb: Man, That's fu*ked up! Jr.Wood:Yeah but i can't wait till thanksgiving. That way I can shove my pecker up your @$$ and say I'm basting the turkey. Robb: I don't think thanksgiving sounds to good. Jr.Wood:Well if i don't get any mail tonight, You know what it is! Robb: Maybe your boyfriend will write you. Jr.Wood: Naw, I cut him off ever since I found out he was gay. Peaches: I thought I was your boyfriend Jr.Wood? Jr.Wood: Robb you sure looked gay in those red high hills and that lipstick. Robb: That was a special occasion though. Panama: Make sure I'm never there for that occasion. I can live my without seeing that. Jr.Wood: I don't know I thought he was kinda cute.

Prison Diaries #6

My Day: I woke up a little sore, cause yesterday I worked out pretty hard. I got to keep in shape so I can impress the ladies when I get out! He! He! Besides being sore, I've had a decent day. I set around most of the day gathering my thoughts and about life and what it has to hold for me. I always do a lot of thinking on that so I can best take advantage of everything it has to offer. Tip: Never get drunk and put your keys in the wrong truck!! When Domain Names Go Wrong!!!: A site called "Who Represents" Where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. There domain name is WWW. WHOREPRESENTS.COM Live Brief Conversations: Conversation started at 8:00 pm Peaches: Hey guys, I'm tired of this meat free diet. All they serve is beans and I fart all day. Cowboy:B*tch, you ain't meat free. I've been slapping my meat to you for 2 months. Jr.Wood: That's the only queer I know who says he's meat free, ain't that some sh*t? Lucky: Hey did you all hear that sh*t on the news where that dude in London pissed on an old lady while she was dying? Robb: Yeah, I heard that. That's crazy. He's only looking at 3 years in jail. In the U.S. he would of got life. Jr.Wood: What about that gay dude in San Francisco that had a sign on his neck telling people to piss on him? Robb: Man, What the h*ll is wrong with the world? we got some real psycho's out there! Psycho: Did someone call me? Peaches: I'll let you piss on me. Robb: Peaches, shut your b*tch*ss up! Jr.Wood: say seriously! This world is a mess. We're spending billions of dollars on war that we could have ended along time ago. We're sending people to prison left and right. Robb:No Sh*t!! Sure, some people deserve to be here but the fact is , we don't help society by locking people up. Maybe temporarily but sooner or later they (we) get out and since we've had no rehabilitation in here we only continue to do the same sh*t over and over! Lucky: In order to stop crime we need to start in the home by raising our kids the right way. All these single parent homes with drug addict parents and stuff like that don't work. It's out of control. Robb: Yeah, and too many people want to turn their head to the problem and ignore it. The fact is, We as society need to do out part if we expect things to change. Jr.Wood:And that goes for us inmates!! We can't let the system Victimize us. The prison system makes money off of us being here and they want us here. We have to break the cycle as individuals and be responsible people when we're released. Robb: No doubt Homie! That's real right there!

Prison Diaries #5

My Afternoon: Well, the first part of today really sucked cause I got screwed out of my shower. So I had to take a bird bath in my cell out of the sink., which was really cold. We don't have Heating or air conditioning. I did get a book in the mail today,(How to start your own business). so now I have something to read to keep my mind from wondering off on me. Tip: Never bite the hand that feeds you! Quote: War is cruelty, and you can not refine it. We are not only fighting hostile armies, but a hostile people,and must make old and young, rich and poor, feel the hard hand of war. Author unknown A Gentle Thought: If you think there is good in everybody, You haven't met everybody. Did you know: Nevada was the first state to use lethal gas as a mean of execution. In 1921, This method was approved to execute Gee Jong, a Chinese immigrant convicted of a gang related murder. Initially, officials planned to pump hydrogen cyanide gas in his cell while he was asleep. As there was no way to contain the gas, they constructed an airtight gas chamber; He was executed in the chamber on Feb.8,1924. Live brief conversation: Conversation started at 7:09 pm. Jr.Wood: Say Panama. Panama: What do you want super sissy. Jr.Wood: I see you want to play. Panama: I figured I would go ahead and get you before you get me. Jr.Wood: Right on. Panama: So what was you going to say? Jr.Wood: I was just going to ask you a question. Panama: Well what is it SUPER SISSY? Jr.Wood: If you would shut your east Texas catfish mouth having @ss up, I would tell you. Jr.Wood: Not that this has ever happened to me or anything, But have you ever set down started taking a sh*t, and then realized after you were done your toilet paper was sitting way at the back on top of your locker at the front of your cell? Panama: No, but my question to you is, How would you get it if it did happen to you? Jr.Wood: It didn't happen to me. Panama: I was just asking what would you do If you did that. Jr.Wood: I am not saying, cause it never happened to me therefore I don't care. Panama: Just admit it. It happened to you SUPER SISSY!

Prison Diaries #4

My Evening: Today has been pretty good. I got a letter from my pen-pal, so that will give me something else to do later on tonight. I lost my spider earlier today for about 2 hours, but finaly found her in my fan. Shes a black widow and her name is she. Tip of the Day: Never trust a one-eyed dude with a pistol. Quote: Every man of sence must be convinced that our disturbances have arisen more from the want of goverment power than the abuse of it.. Auther Unknown. A Gentle Thought: A penny saved is a goverment oversight. Joke: Do you know how to make a kleenex dance? Blow a little boogie in it. Yeah, I know that sucked! Live Conversations: Conversation started at 6:00 p.m. Panama: Rob, did you get any mail today? Robb: No, did you? Panama: Yeah, I got a letter from my daughter. Jr.Wood: I don't mean to interupt Ya'lls conversation, but what are the symptoms of the bird flu? Panama: Why? Jr.Wood: Ever since I ate that chicken at lunch, I have been a cluckin like a fu*king chicken. Frank: Get off the bullsh*t Jr.Wood! Jr.Wood: I'm not playing, I'll try to say something, than all of a sudden I start cluckin.

Prison Diaries #3

MY MORNING: I woke up made my bed, brushed my teeth and turned on Texas 99.1 to jam while I sweep and wash my floor. Then chased down a cricket,ripped his legs off ans threw him in my black widow's web that I have at the back corner of my cell. Yeah, I know that was cruel, but my spider has to eat too. Oh my spiders name is she. I've had her since she was a itty bitty spider. TIP OF THE DAY: If you come to Texas or if you already live here, and you see a sign that says "don't mess with texas". Do as it says and don't mess with texas. I am speaking from experience here. QUOTE OF THE DAY: If we forget what we did, We won't know who we are. By Ronald Reagan, 1989 JOKE OF THE DAY: Do you know what the german word for constipation is? Answer: Farfrompoopin.. DID YOU KNOW: In 2004, Amnesty International reported that Singapore, a nation of about 4 million, Puts more to death than any other country in the world. Between 1994 and 1999, the country executed 14 people per 1 million residents. Heres another quick tip for you. Don't mess with singapore either. LIVE CONVERSATIONS: Conversation started at 12:15 p.m. GATOR: Say Panama, Panama, PANAMA!! PANAMA: What man, What! GATOR:Da*m, Did your hearing go out or what? PANAMA:I was listening to my radio, what the h*ll do you want? GATOR: What are we having for lunch do you know? JR.WOOD: We are having food, what else do you think we are having? GATOR: I didn't ask you smart a$$ ROBB: Yeah, Well he told you. JR.WOOD: You couldn't wait to jump into the conversation could you? Nosey a$$ ROBB: You jumped in to. JR.WOOD: "YOU JUMPED IN TOO" What kind of sh*t is that? You sound just like a sissy GATOR: Well what are we having for lunch? JR.WOOD: we are having gator. Muhahahaha!!!! PANAMA:Why do you always have to make things so difficult? All the man wants to know is whats for lunch. JR.WOOD: So why haven't you told him yet? PANAMA: Cause I don't know. ROBB: LOL JR.WOOD:LOL UNKNOWN:LOL JR.WOOD: man you are as dumb as you are old. ROBB: Gator, Do you really want to know whats for lunch? GATOR: Yes thats why I asked ROBB: well I don't know either GATOR:Ya'll play to fu*ing Much JR.WOOD:You ain't mad GATOR: I give up! UNKNOWN: We are having chicken patties. JR.WOOD: Mind your own business, you east texas bullfrog lookin a$$ dude! PANAMA: Why don't all Ya'll shut up. Chow is here!

Real Prison Conversations Real Prison Life

My name is Randy A.K.A. Jr.wood, I am 24 years old. I got a 12 year sentence for burglary of a habitation and got a total of 7 years done on my sentence. Again, I am a real live prisoner writing from behind bars in Ad Seg(Solitary) at the Coffield Unit in Texas. I am locked up in a 5x9 cell 23 hours out of the day. My Afternoon: They brought me lunch about 12:00 p.m., and let me tell you, they didn't do us any favors. They fed us some kind of tuna with some uncooked beans, rice and some soggy a$$ bread. "mmmmm My favorite!!!" I ate about two bites and through that $h*t out on the run. I Jr. wood have been so f*cking long, you can bet your @ss I know right from wrong. A Gentle Thought: If you can't be kind, at least have the dencency to be vague. Tip: Don't drop the soap if your in jail. Ouch! Quote: I tremble for this country when I reflect that God is just: This his justice cannot sleep forever. Author unknown Did you know: As of 2005, the most common method of execution in the u.s. was lethal injection, employed(not always exclusively) in 37 states. From 1977 through the end of 2005, 1,004 people were executed in the u.s. mostly by lethal injection(836) or electricution (152). Live brief conversation: Conversation started at 7:30 p.m. Jr.Wood: Say Robb Robb: Yeah Jr.Wood : Man I think that country song by Trace Akins "One Hot Momma" has subliminal messages in it. Robb: What the h*ll makes you think that? Jr.Wood: Cause everytime I hear that song, I catch myself pinching my nipples. Robb: Dude your a f*cking freak Gator: What the h*ll did you just say Jr.Wood? Jr.Wood: I knew I should of kept that to myself, And just so you know Robb, I'm not a freak. Trace Adkins is the freak for putting those subliminal messages in his song. Robb: There ain't no subliminal messages in that song. Jr.Wood: Then explain to me why Ipinch my nipples everytime I hear that song. Robb: Cause your a freak like I said. Jr.Wood: ain't trying to hear that sh*t. Panama: Yeah, your a freak Jr.Wood. Jr.Wood: Shut your old baby bird face lookin @ss up. Gator: Don't get mad at Panama cause you like to pinch your nipples. Jr.Wood: I don't like to pinch my nipples..